Sunday, March 15, 2009

My pity party

is over.

First off, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone. I have needed and appreciated every phone call, every email, every "you have been in my thoughts and prayers this week," every shoulder to cry on, every offer to do lunch, every plate of brownies, and even that mysterious bunch of flowers on my doorstep this morning. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful friends and supportive family.

The last few days I have felt so many different emotions. After my initial feeling of anger, I was feeling bitter, and then so sad. I thought that I had put my guard up well, but then not just this sadness came into play, but all my sadness. The whole infertility, wanting a baby, feeling inadequate came out. I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I had been planning on going to Time Out For Women, and so went ahead, even though as I told my mother in law, I pretty much just wanted to eat or lay in bed. I was so glad I went. On Friday night, Sister Nelson was speaking about hope. One thing she said has helped me so much, "Anger, bitterness, and self pity drive away the spirit. " Um, let's see. If I had to say which three emotions were strongest in me that day they would be anger, bitterness, and self-pity. I decided that I was going to let those emotions go. It's certainly not easy all the time--those emotions have a way of creeping up on you, but I have felt so much better.

Because of TOFW, we have had some company this weekend. Dan's sister said something to me that I appreciated. She said that they have been praying for us all week. When she told her kids what happened, her oldest said, "Mom, when they do finally get a baby, that is going to be one special baby." I have to agree.


Stephanie said...

Oh Angela - I think you are so AWESOME. And I agree that the baby that will come to your family is going to be one special baby!

Wish upon a Starr said...

I can't even imagine what you are going through! You are a much stronger woman then I think I will ever be. Way to hang in there. There is a quote that I love, it's from Gordan B. Hinkley. I have it hanging on my fridge so I can see it everyday.

"Be believing, be happy. Don't get discouraged. Things will work out."

Hope it helps. We love ya!

Rachel Elaine said...

I admire you for internalizing that quote from the TOFW. I think it is easy to hear something that applies to us and just get frustrated by it. What an epiphany that must have been.
I hope you are able to keep that peace in your heart.
You are an inspiration to me!

michelle said...

I'm so sorry again! Just remember it will happen. Did you enjoy the girl scout cookies? Thanks again for picking us up from the airport!

Lori Muir said...

It's amazing when someone speaks through the power of the spirit, and through the power of the spirit, you discern what you need. That process never ceases to amaze me. What strength you have to get that at that time of struggle. You're the best!